


Not Enough Anymore

by Whosdaboss4



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant - somewhat, Episode 08x04, F/M, Jaime leaving Winterfell, Sansa supports Brienne, Swords as hearts, breaking up, but Brienne gets her say, jaime needs therapy y’all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 21:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20346724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whosdaboss4/pseuds/Whosdaboss4
Summary: This is a re-do of scene where Jaime leaves Brienne at Winterfell. Not sure if they’re completely in character, but I was moved to write this.  It’s been 3 months and I’m still shook/triggered.  Well, who hasn’t ever been dumped?  Simple as that.





	Not Enough Anymore

A slight scrape of a chair was all it took to wake her. She took in her surroundings quickly. He was gone. 

She rose quickly. The icy stone floor felt like tiny daggers on her feet. She put on her dressing gown, pushed her feet into boots and grabbed Oathkeeper. She ran toward the inner courtyard. 

Then she saw him. At his horse. Dressed to travel. Adjusting his saddlebags. She was stunned, but she knew. She always knew. Damn it, she knew.

“Were you even going to say goodbye?” Her calm voice not betraying her inner turmoil. 

Jaime looked up at her. His eyes were a thousand miles away. But of course they were. He didn’t answer and then continued his preparations.

Brienne closed the distance between them in a few large strides. She was angry now. Or was she hurt. Or…

“Are you going to even look at me, Jaime?” her voice growled but cracked at his name. 

He whipped his head around to face her. His body was still facing his horse. He was already gone. Maybe she shouldn’t have even gotten out of bed. But then he turned his body to face her. His eyes were dull, yet glassy. His shoulders slumped. Her Jaime was gone. This man...this man was _her_ Jaime. Cersei’s Jaime 

“So, I guess I **am** the Kingslayer’s whore. No goodbye. No letter. Why?” her voice recovered and gathered strength.

“I have a duty,” Jaime explained softly. “And...and I bear responsibility for what’s Cersei’s become.”

Brienne’s mouth hung open briefly. “No, why this?” she said remarkably evenly while she gestured back toward their chamber. No, her chamber now. “Why didn’t you just leave after the Long Night? Why did you pretend to want me? Why did you fuck me? Why?”

Her voice had gotten loud. She didn’t care. She didn’t care if she woke the whole castle.

“I do want you. I love you. But I…” Jaime voice had raised as well, but then it trailed off. He gazed at her sadly. “I’ve dishonored you. I don’t deserve you.”

“No, no, no...you don’t do that to me. To us. What we’ve done was NOT dishonorable. It is love, Jaime.” Brienne’s voice began to crack again. She felt a tear roll down her cheek. She realized he doesn’t know what love is. What it feels like to be loved unconditionally. She tried to show him. It wasn’t enough. She stopped the tear with the back of her left hand. Her other hand still gripping Oathkeeper. She thrust the hilt of the sword at him. 

He looked down at it slowly. Then he shook his head. “I said, it will always be yours.”

“I don’t want it anymore,” she replied. Her breaths were ragged. She was trying to hold back her tears.

Jaime looked into her eyes fully. He began to sob. Silently. “But...but I love you,” he said dejectedly.

“I love you too. So much. You don’t even know how much...But I don’t… I won’t accept pieces of you. I don’t want pieces of your heart. It’s not enough for me...anymore. I want all of you.” Brienne gathered her strength. She had to tell him everything. 

“I told you how I once got to dress Renly for battle. I was happy just to dress him. It was enough for me. Just to bask in his presence. Then I served Lady Catelyn, her daughters…I respect them so very much. But after the Long Night, I remembered. I remembered who made it all possible. Who gave me his heart and who gave me my life and everything I am. My father… I’ve not seen him for years. Jaime, I understand duty. After this war is settled; however, it is settled I am going to him. To Tarth. To honor my father. My duty to him. I’d hope you’d to come with me…”

Jaime’s eyes brightened a little at this thought. Yet, Brienne still held the sword out to him. 

“But I won’t have you like this. Not anymore. I understand duty. I understand she’s your sister. But I don’t want you if she still holds your heart. I don’t want you if you feel you have to sneak away from me in the night...”

“Brienne, I don’t want to involve you further, so that’s why… She’s so hateful and I am her shadow,” Jaime tried to explain. 

Brienne pulled the sword back to her side and shook her head. “Jaime, you are beautiful. You are so beautiful. Not just on the outside. You are honorable. You are warm. You are witty. You are smart. You are a good man. You are no one’s shadow.”

Brienne took a very deep breath. Then she reached out for Jaime’s left hand, opened his palm and placed the hilt of Oathkeeper in it. 

“I am going home. My father is old. Too old to produce heirs. But I am not. My duty to him, our house…” 

Jaime was still looking down at Oathkeeper. A tear fell and landed on top of the lion’s golden head. 

“I’ll never love anyone like I love you. Never. I will love you until the end of my days. But I will do my duty...as my father sees fit. Honor compels me to.. be a good daughter of Tarth. But if… if you resolve your oaths to your sister…if you heal your heart and mind...come to me.”

Brienne stood there for a few seconds memorizing his face. She’d never see him again. She knew. He had more than the battle for King’s Landing to survive. He had to survive the battle against his own self-hatred. She would not would watch him self-destruct. 

“Goodbye, Jaime. I pray the Gods’ favor upon you,” she ended. Then she quickly turned on her heel to head back inside to the warmth of her chamber. A chamber where there was no more warmth. Only protection from the elements.

She heard him begin to cry and she began to cry too. But she kept walking. When she got out of his view, she fell to her knees. Suddenly, there were pale hands on the forearms of her dressing gown. The hands began to pull her up. She looked up into the eyes of her Lady. Brienne stood buoyed by Lady Sansa’s strength. There was strength in her expression. She held Brienne and nodded to her. It’s alright. It will be alright. Brienne nodded back. They heard the sound of metal clanking together and then land into the snow with a thud. Jaime left both swords. He left his heart. His whole heart. But not himself. And it wasn’t enough anymore. Then they both heard the steps of a horse retreating. Toward the gate. Away. Into the night. 

Brienne sobbed and laid her head on her Lady’s shoulder. Lady Sansa wrapped her arms around Brienne. She held Brienne tight. She let her cry.


End file.
